I did something incredibly stupid the other night. I was drunk and I texted the 22-year-old guy who showed me his abs in the middle of the street like two months ago.
I’m still dating my policeman, but that night I just felt like he only cares about sex, not about having a real relationship. Lately we only see each other for sex. We haven’t actually gone out for a while. Why does this always happen to me? I enjoy sex and I’m not shy about that, but I was very clear that I want a relationship. If I just wanted sex, I would still be with my paramour. I don’t want to be just a sex toy, but I guess that’s all most guys see when they look at me.
Well, thinking about that made me feel really lonely, so I wanted to talk to someone who made me laugh, even though I know he only wants sex, too. At least he’s honest about it. And holy shit is he hot! My boyfriend has a nice body, but damn! This guy is like model hot with washboard abs. I have no idea why he would want to be with me. The older woman thing can only go so far.
Anyway, I immediately regretted it. I apologized to abs guy and made it clear that we are looking for different things, but he’s still tempting me. I think he knows I’m vulnerable to his advances right now. He has a way with words and he’s so charismatic. But I keep saying no. And I know that at least is the right decision.
I spent some time with my boyfriend last night. Both of us were overaroused even before I got there because I’d been gone for two weeks. Before I went over, he asked me to “wear something naughty.” It sounded like fun, so I decided to do it. I dressed only in lingerie and high heels, and put on a really long sweater to cover myself on the way over. I felt deliciously brazen! I took the sweater off as soon as I walked in. We barely made it out of the doorway. We were kissing, biting, licking, and groping each other all the way up the stairs to his bedroom.
We had absolutely incredible sex for the next two hours. Afterward, he was really open and caring, and said he wants to spend more time with me this weekend. When (if?) we get together this weekend, I need to open up to him about how I’m feeling about the relationship issue. Don’t get me wrong. The sex is amazing, but I need to know that this isn’t just about sex for him, that he really wants me for who I am, not just for what I can do in bed.